


make these feelings go away

by awastedream (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I'm sorry Iwa-chan, M/M, Unrequited Love, warning: bad grammar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:05:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7236580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/awastedream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he was 14 when he realized a boy can love another</p>
            </blockquote>





	make these feelings go away

  
Iwaizumi Hajime was 14 when he realized a boy can love another boy more than like someone from the family or friendly..

But he was too young so at the first he thought it's delusion of youth. Like everyone would say to him.. And another thing is he didn't want to have these feeling. Not for that person. Not for his dearest best friend. Not for Oikawa Tooru.

 _"Anyone but him."_ Iwaizumi thought. But heart won't listen your brian. If it did life would be more easier but who would want a easy life, right?

Then he realized he doesn't only have interest in Oikawa, he finds some other guys attractive as well. He could imagine himself holding hands, kissing them, doing pervert stuffs it was such relief for him, he thought he could get over these feeling he had for his friend.

But it was only Oikawa Tooru who he wanted to do those things and not anyone else.

When Oikawa told him he might like both girls and boys while shaking voice and hands, he didn't hoped for a chance, not even for a minute. He never thought he could have a chance with him, not even once. Doesn't matter if he also likes boys or not.

Oikawa doesn't see him like another person, like a normal friend. Iwaizumi knows the fact that for Oikawa he's more than that more than a friend, more than a brother, they're like the same person, they're like the one person.

**"But romance is not in the picture and never will be." Iwaizumi thought.**

Oikawa was looking at Iwaizumi with desperate eyes. He was afraid of Iwaizumi's reaction. He was afraid if he would reject him..

**"Like hell I could do." Iwaizumi thought.**

If he really did, if he act like he's disgusted and put a distance between them, probably life would be more easy for Iwaizumi but he never could do something upsets Oikawa. He could never stay away from Oikawa. He can't wake up to a day he could not see Oikawa's ugly face or hear his annoying voice.

How can he act like he's disgusted just because he also likes boys when he, himself is in love with a boy. When he's in love with his best friend. And that's probably the only one thing that "disgusting."

Iwaizumi hugged Oikawa tightly and said _"There is nothing could make me hate you, dummy."_ and he meant. There no such a thing. Oikawa broke into tears after that hug and those words. He cried for hours while hugging Iwaizumi.

He hated to see Oikawa in tears but a part of him was happy because he could touch him. He could be that close to him. He was happy because he was the one comfort Oikawa.

When Oikawa got a boyfriend / a really hot one / hot enough to broke Iwaizumi's self-reliance / for the first time, Iwaizumi thought he would die. Sooner or later he knew that moment will come but he didn't expect to it to hit him that bad.

Oikawa dated alot of girls in the past and Iwaizumi was next to him in all whole time. He watched Oikawa touching others, saying he loves them and it was too painful.

But still can't compete witht the pain he felt when he walked in Oikawa's room and saw their sex. Oikawa was inside of that /lucky/ bastard. They was moaning like idiots. Iwaizumi never felt jealous like he did that day. He quickly apologized and walked out. His face was red as apple when he was running to his home.

He could not get out of that sight that night and imagined himself as Oikawa's boyfriend. He imagined the person Oikawa was touching himself.

**"What a stupid dream". Iwaizumi thought not much after than that.**

**"It's impossible." Iwaizumi thought.**

**"Give up already." Iwaizumi thought.**

**"Life your fucking own life." Iwaizumi thought.**

And in the end of that week Iwaizumi start to go out with a boy from basketball team.

He was a nice person and treat Iwaizumi so good, in fact more good than he deserved but still wasn't the right person, wasn't the person he wanted.

And they broke up after going out for 3 weeks. Iwaizumi's first dating experience ended like that.

Oikawa break up with his /hot/ boyfriend after dating almost 4 months, it was such a record for Oikawa.it was such a record for Oikawa.

Oikawa was depressed for weeks after break up. He wasn't the one who wanted to break up. On the contrary he was suddenly getting serious with him.

But one day Miyama Yamakawa aka the hot boyfriend told him _"I can't love you."_ _"And I believe it's the same for you." "I feel like you are in love with someone else."_ and walked out. Oikawa said he doesn't understand what's he is talking about. There is no one he loves expect Miyama but he didn't believe him. At least that's what Oikawa told Iwaizumi but he feels like there is something else Oikawa doesn't tell to Iwaizumi.

But Iwaizumi doesn't want to push Oikawa, not when he keeps that much secrets from him.

Iwaizumi doesn't only the fact that he is in love with Oikawa but also the fact that he's gay. Iwaizumi still haven't told that to Oikawa.

Iwaizumi knows it's unfair to not tell it when Oikawa tells everything to him but Iwaizumi doesn't know how to tell it. He thinks he missed the right timing. And now telling him will be cause some problems between them. And that's the last thing he want to face.

_"Iwa-chan.."_

_"Is there something you want to tell me?"_ Oikawa asked with unreadable face while playing Iwaizumi's favorite video game.

Iwaizumi caught unawares.

_"No thing, Shittykawa."_

_"Focus on the game."_ said Iwaizumi. He tried to gloss over but Oikawa didn't buy it.

_"Iwa-chan."_

_"Who do you think am I?"_

_"How can you think you can hide it from me?"_

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"I would never judge you,"_

_"You know, right?"_ said Oikawa. He smiled at Iwaizumi. With a warm and real smile.

Iwaizumi was sweating coldly.

_"O-Oi.."_

He gulped.

 _"Bakakawa, what are you talking about?"_ Iwaizumi stammer.

_"Don't panic, Iwa-chan.."_

_"I'm saying I know the fact that you're gay.."_

_"Or at least you have a boyfriend."_ said Oikawa. With that stupid smile of his.

" _What?"_

 _"I don't have a boyfriend."_ said Iwaizumi.

_"Don't lie, Iwa-chan."_

_"I saw you two.."_ said Oikawa.

**"It's the right to time tell everything." Iwaizumi thought.**

_"I'm telling you, Shittykawa."_

_"I don't have a boyfriend."_

_"We were just fooling around."_ said Iwaizumi.

Oikawa's eyes are wide open look at Iwaizumi.

 _"What?"_ Oikawa asked.

Iwaizumi sighed.

_"It was not something important."_

_"We weren't dating."_

_"You probably could call us sex friends instead of lovers."_ said Iwaizumi. With unreadable face.

Oikawa was speechless which was something so rare.

He open his mouth to talk but no words come out.

_"Oi, don't make such a face."_

_"Yes, I'm not pure as you think but such a face is rude."_ said Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi was sure expecting a shocking reaction but not that much.

_"I'm sorry."_

_"I didn't mean to be rude, Iwa-chan."_

_"I just --"_

_"You just didn't think I could be that type."_ Iwaizumi completed Oikawa's words.

_"No, it's not like that."_

_"I thought you would not go out with someone you don't love."_

_"And that's all."_ said Oikawa.

_"Well, I can't help it. The boy I'm in love with is an idiot and has no information of my feelings."_

_"And I go on with that unrequited love for the rest of my life."_ said Iwaizumi..

_"Iwa-chan is in love with someone?"_

_"Who's that person?"_ asked Oikawa with curious eyes.

**"I should not have open my damn mouth." Iwaizumi thought.**

Iwaizumi is back to sweating coldly.

_"Someone you don't know."_

_"So let's stop talking about it."_ said Iwaizumi..

_"N-o."_

_"You can't run away, Iwa-chan."_

_"Plus if he really was someone I don't know you would tell me so he's from our school.."_

_"Or even our team?"_ asked Oikawa. With a excited smile.

 _"Shittykawa, stop."_ said Iwaizumi.

_"Is he Hanamaki?"_

_"You two are always so close."_

_"Or maybe Matsukawa."_

_"Or maybe someone from another team?"_

_"A classmate?"_

_"Oi, Iwa-chan..."_

Oikawa stopped for a minute.

 _"Don't tell me, he's a teacher? That's why you can't tell me?"_ asked Oikawa with a fakingly worried face.

**"He can think everyone, even a teacher, even their close friends but not himself." Iwaizumi thought.**

The idae of Iwaizumi is in love with Oikawa is too impossible. He didn't even think himself as an option for a minute.

Iwaizumi wanted to scream. Iwaizumi wanted to cry. Iwaizumi wanted to walk away from this room and never come back ever again.

What he should do? Lie or confess? He should confess his love or lie about them just like he did until now?

_"Yes, he's a teacher."_

_"And that's why I will never tell you his name."_

_"Not even if I die."_ said Iwaizumi. He force himself to smile.

**"Lying is better. Lying is safer. Lying is won't hurt him. Lying will make him stay close to Oikawa." Iwaizumi thought.**

So he choose to lie.

Iwaizumi was tryding so hard to hold his tears but he can't cry in front of him.

_"Don't talk about dying, Iwa-chan.."_

He put his hands on Iwaizumi's shoulders.

_"And you know, even if you can't be with the person you're in love with."_

_"I'm always next to you."_

_"The greatest Oikawa Tooru."_

_"So cheer up." said Oikawa._

_"Yes, yes.."_ said Iwaizumi and sighed.

_"Don't sigh like that, Iwa-chan.."_

_"It's rude.." said Oikawa_.

**"Lying is the best choose." Iwaizumi thought.**

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure but I might write one or two more chapter for this.


End file.
